John Leland Smith
March 5, 1928 – August 4, 2007
The events surrounding my father’s death, sadly, may never be fully known, though there is still research going on to try and find out. For three years the only thing any of his children ever knew was that he had been quickly cremated, against his will of course, and to the dismay of his family. Daddy never received a funeral. There was no eulogy given, nor any procession. I am not even sure if there was a notice of his death printed in the newspapers. It’s very hard for anyone to have closure, given the circumstance, and I believe that everyone needs this.
But no doubt if one was to have written a eulogy about my father, they would be hard pressed to find a way to sum up his life. There were a lot of different sides to him, and really it depended on who you were talking to as to what was thought about him. He was a very complicated man for sure.
As the last child of ten children, here is a tribute to John L. Smith through my eyes.
John was one of six children born to David Smith and Florence Winningham He also had five 5 half siblings from His mother Florence and step-father Elvin Bishop.
He was married on Oct 1945 to Mary Margaret Henderson. They were married for over thirty years before her death in April 1976.
Together they had ten children:
Betty Houk
John D. Smith
Carl Smith (deceased Feb 2007)
Sam Smith
Trisha Tegman
Barbara Houchins
Jim Smith
Tim Smith
Annette Smith
Rebecca Houk
Twenty-five grandchildren, fifty-four great grandchildren, and two great-great grandchildren.
He later was married to Sondra Cole for 29 years before his death in August 2007.
He was well loved by many members of the churches where he frequented throughout his life. He would always lend a hand at church whenever help was needed, be it a Sunday school teacher, an usher, or a fundraiser.He greatly loved the outdoors and enjoyed playing with his dogs. He was an outdoor sportsman in the highest sense of the word. I have many memories of the hunting seasons when he would go hunting along with his sons, son-in-laws and grandsons. After the hunt the men would all display their kill, usually deer, and proudly tell the stories of how the events all unfolded. In his later years his love for fishing became almost that of an obsession, so much so that he bulldozed part of his land to build a small lake just so that he could spend time relaxing and fishing. Hunting and fishing were about the only things that seemed to help him to relax as he was not one who knew how to rest well. He was one of the hardest workers I have ever known. He always brought home his paycheck and gave it to my mother who would then stretch it and made us appear as if we were rich.
Daddy was however a very hot tempered, bull headed, abusive man to his wife and children. He left many deep scars and wounds in everyone of his children that only God could ever heal. I do believe though that he loved his wife Margaret very much as she was the only one who knew how to laugh, and was able to stand and push him to a point to recognize his own weaknesses. Momma had amazing godly strength and love, and a forgiving heart like none other. Had she not died so young I believe there would have been reconciliation between Daddy and his children as she was the true anchor of this family. I was only eleven years old when Momma died. But one thing I learned that what she left behind was a desire for all of us kids to see past the ugliness of mankind and see the Christ within. After Momma died Daddy was lost and confused. He was not good alone, and as a result he began making poor decisions. Decisions that drove some of his children further away and some always struggling to continue a relationship with him. Most all of us children did keep somewhat in touch with Dad until the day he died. I believe we were all driven by an inner hope that healing would come. One thing I will say though, is that even given the way that Daddy was, he still always acknowledged the need for Christ in one's life.
John Smith with seven of his ten children at a family reunion in 1986.
Thus ends my eulogy of Daddy and now comes the very hard truth……….
Knowing this desire of Momma was a good godly instruction, I have always made a point to try and keep a relationship with Daddy. It became very hard once Daddy married Sondra. Sondra was twenty-five years younger than him. Dad had four Children older than her and two very close to the same age as her. This does a bit of weirdness to the brain of one who has siblings older than the wife of the father. I was torn between my siblings, (who were older and wiser than Sondra) and Sondra. My siblings saw and knew things that I did not know. Sondra made mistakes. But that’s not to say that some of my siblings were not heartaches themselves. But when I was sixteen years old Daddy had made it very clear to me, with a slap across the face that I will never forget, that a poor choice or not it was his choice and that he wanted me to respect that. I knew then and there that if I was to have a relationship with Daddy it would have to be through Sondra. And so I respectfully did just that for twenty-nine years.
When time or space would keep us from seeing and visiting with Dad, I would always call and check up on him and keep in touch. The last year of Daddy’s life I was going through my own turmoil of my son’s illness and the many trips back and forth to the hospital. I lost track of Dad and I don’t know what happened to him. Several of my phone calls were not returned, and when they were returned the conversations were not always on the up-and-up so to speak. Dad’s cell phone had been disconnected. None of us children really knew what was going on and it caused us all to feel that something was wrong. Because I now lived in Tennessee and was unable to leave my son, Annette and Trish at my urging went to see daddy. It was not good; there were no clear answers as to what was going on. While they were there Trish had called me and given me a small window of time to talk to daddy on the phone. This was the last time I would talk to him. I will forever be grateful to Trish for this. Once Sondra had restricted them from coming to the hospital there was nothing more anyone could do. Every attempt to find and talk to Daddy was met with resistance. Every attempt to find what was wrong with him was also met with resistance. We all were kept in the dark until he died three months later. I was not even aware of his death until I heard he had been cremated. When things happen like this you just can’t help but to feel that there was something ill fated about the whole thing. But I made a point to forgive and remembered a promise I had made to Daddy years before he had died.
I received a phone call three years later much to my surprise from Sondra. She had asked to come and visit and I of course said yes. It was a good visit. While she was here I asked her what she did with Daddy’s ashes. She told me they were still at the funeral home and that she needed $2000.00 to get him out. I told her I would talk to the family and see what I could do. I don’t know that she would have told me anything about Dad unless I had asked, and upon research I found that some of the things she did say were not true. Sondra did not tell me what funeral home had Dads remains. Sammy and his son Jason found them and to our surprise they still have them. I personally talked to the county coroner and he told me that they were very happy to be able to finally place Daddy’s remains in the hands of family. It was highly unusual to have peoples remains left behind and never picked up. He sent me a copy of Daddy’s death certificate and they will mail Dad’s ashes to me so that we can give him a proper burial. Mr. Holdren said it will cost us $1000.00 to get them released. This will cover all his expenses.
I hate so much that Dad was cremated, but he was. Now I am asking all of you to help me. I believe that we have been given a chance by God to finally be able to have closure. I desire greatly to recover his remains and bury them and give him a headstone. At the moment I do not know where we will bury him, but it will be a decision that we all make together. I do not have the finances to do this alone. But even if I did I do not think it would be right to shoulder this responsibility alone. None of us should. Among us all remaining nine children and many grandchildren, there is no reason why we can not all pull together enough money to take care of this. My own children have given $100.00 already to help. They too desire to see their grandfather buried. Especially after seeing Momma’s grave for the first time while we were in Arizona. Please don’t delay, three years was a long time to have to wait to close a door.
