What is a Turning Point?
It is an unexpected event that happens to you whether good or bad that causes you to change your perspective on life.
When your perspective on life changes, then the way you live your life usually also changes; hopefully for the better, but sadly sometimes it is for the worse. I have seen this many times among my friends and family that after a bad event they have allowed bitterness to take root in their heart and it has changed them into hard, uncompassionate souls. It is easy to be angry right? After all we’re hurt in the process! and God the Almighty Loving God could have kept it from happening but…. He didn't. Why? you ponder, why would God allow this to happen to me? Is He displeased with me? Does He love me less than that certain Holier than thou person? Am I paying for my past sins…… stilllllllllllllllllllllllll??????, or is this just the way God is......, leaving you never knowing what He is going to do?
Knowing how this wicked emotion can slither into ones heart and play horrible havoc with your mind, your health, and especially your relationship with the Lord, I have always been on guard to protect my heart from anger and bitterness. But here lately being worn down and very tired it has been challenging to keep from feeling angry at the Lord.
Our life has always been somewhat difficult since Dustin was diagnosed with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy at the age of seven; he was showing signs of this cruel illness when he was two years old with his wobbly little walk and his inability to climb stairs. We of course were clueless to knowing that anything was wrong with him. Once he went into the wheelchair by his tenth birthday, we had to watch his little body become more and more contorted and twisted and deformed. In spite of everything we stayed encouraged knowing that our Lord Jesus Christ is a healing God, and that our Dustin would be made whole. I can’t begin to tell you how many times we were rebuked for holding on to that hope not only by Doctors, and friends but even our family. We were often looked upon as delusional and irresponsible parents who were living in denial; but as hard as all those years were they were mild upsets compared to now.
When Dustin went down it was pretty hard, that long night set off a chain reaction of enormous pain tugging at our heart and hardship that is still rippling through the very core of our lives. Occasional we will get a call from family who ask,” How are things”? My answer is, and always will be "all is well". I don’t say this because I don’t want you to know about our life it’s just that by nature I am not a whiner, so I tend to refrain from going into much detail about things. But for the purpose of illustrating my turning point. I will share with you. There is no area of our life that has been untouched, there was no “going about Business as usual” our normal way of living became a thing of the past.
Dustin is on a ventilator 24 hours a day, to those who do not know what this is, it is a complex machine that breathes for you, and it works through a trache that has been placed in a hole in your throat. By having it attached this way leaves your mouth free to eat and talk (although you no longer have sound come through when you speak.) Dustin is not on a feeding tube, but he cannot move his arms so we feed him all his meals, he does not have a catheter so when he needs to go to the bathroom we also help him. While he cannot move anything on his body he can wiggle his toes, move his lips to talk, and moves his eyes as far as his head is turned. He is not paralyzed he feels everything.
Because he has no muscle mass he is extremely sensitive to touch and weight (some blankets puts too much weight on him), he cannot scratch an itch or slap a bug. We bath him, and brush his teeth for him. He is totally dependent upon us for his care. Since he is bed ridden his once beautiful teeth have all fell backwards spreading apart so much that it is difficult to chew most meat. What normally takes the average person 15 minutes to eat takes him 1 and ½ hours to eat. Because he has no voice he has to be watched so that he can tell you when he needs help. And only I can read lips. He cannot be left alone; a clog of mucus can choke him and cut off his air supply within seconds. We moved his bed into our bedroom so at night we can continue to care for him. Sometimes we don’t get much sleep, and I will tell you, sleep deprived people have altered personalities. His machine has alarms that will go off when the breathing pressure is not right. My hearing impairment keeps me from hearing these alarms so Clayton or one of the other kids always have to be there with me.
As for our finances we lived off our savings until they were depleted, then we sold a lot of things from our home, we still do. We have borrowed some money and been given some as a gift. We cannot hold a 9- 5 job because we have to be available at a moments notice. We don’t qualify for an in home nurse. We don’t get food stamps or welfare. We never have. Although we have been so broke that for the first time in my life I can honestly say we have had times when there was no food in our house, or gas in the car.
Being in this situation has brought us to our knees many times crying out to God to please give us the wisdom as to what to do. Do we continue to believe for healing life or prepare for death? “I am willing and ready for either Lord “I cried. “Just give us something to hold on to. One day a family member out of love thought perhaps it would be best to talk to Dustin about death and to share with him how we simply go from one life to another and that it is not painful but the afterlife is beautiful and how maybe he was hanging on to life because he was afraid to die. Having never had this conversation with my son, you can only imagine how difficult it was to find the words to talk to him about it. I did though all without tears. Dustin was very still, he listened, never butting into the conversation. When I was finished he calmly and a bit sternly said”Momma I am not afraid to die, I am just not ready. It’s not my time to die.” Then I heard the Lord say to me “you wanted something to hold on to …there it is LIFE.
Dustin chooses life so you should do so as well.
Having a child who chooses to live when every earthly thing is against him is humbling.
If we are to hold on to life with him and be encouraged in the Lord for his healing then where is there room for anger and bitterness? Both can not dwell in the same place at the same time.
Philippians 4:6-8
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your request be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of a good report; If there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
I just love these verses, are they not beautiful. How comforting for me to know that, when I am weary, I cry out to the Lord, and he walks with me to show me those things that are true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and are of a good report, and their virtue.
Oh how the Praises overcome me, and like a warm blanket the wisdom and peace of the Lord guards my heart for me.
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